A trip down old writing lane...

Scientist: We have modified this man’s brain to know everything in the world, except he cannot do simple addition.
 
Narrator: Watch as Henry, the smartest man alive, struggles in a world where simple addition rules.
 
Cashier: This book will cost you two bucks.
 
(*Henry pulls out his wallet, which has two one-dollar bills and a five.)
 
Henry: Um… Um…. Can you help me? I don’t know which dollar bills to give you.
 
Narrator: Watch as he loses the love of his life because he does not know simple addition.
 
Girlfriend: You know what me plus you equals?
 
Henry: Um… Um… Can you give me a hint?
 
SLAP!
 
Narrator: And watch as he struggles to learn addition to win her back.
 
(He’s sitting in a kindergarten classroom.)
 
Teacher: Two plus two equals four!
 
(The scene switches to Henry in his room, studying in the dark by lamp light.)
 
Henry: It doesn’t make any sense!
 
(He knocks the papers and books off his desk.)
 
Narrator: This March, some see THE MAN WHO CANNOT DO SIMPLE ADDITION!




That there is some old joke I wrote way back when I used to contribute to lemmykoopa.com a lot. I guess my roots in wanting to contribute to the internet with my own writing come from there. Now I write stuff on Zoofights that at least tries to be really good, sometimes serious, and always crazy. 


Back in those days I think I found lemmykoopa.com because it kept coming up when I searched for mario images. I was pretty young back then, back then we had a single house PC and we all used AOL. I think it must have been middle school because I had picked the name ghettobananachris.


For the most part my contributions to the site were tiny things. They had an item section, a bio section, and an image section where I contribued pictures of mario things, descriptions of mario items, and wrote little bios for certain mario characters. It was amusing, but the place where I showed off my budding writing talent was the interview section.


If you go to the interview section of the website and find my name, ghettobananachris, there are 18 little interviews I did where I wrote in character as someone interviewing someone else. I guess in a way it was my RPing roots :P If anyone were to bother reading them though, it is best to do them sequentially. It had a lot of running jokes and a few website-only in-jokes, but reading a few now makes me chuckle a little. I see old jokes like that trailer I lead with and I can see a portal to my younger mind.


Another bit of writing I did around that period in my life was a series of movie scripts called Ghetto Bananas. They were mostly just crazy stories I told my best friend that I wrote down. The idea at first was that celebrities were doing stuff at a Ghetto Banana Restaraunt, and for some reason I decided instead of having the celebrities play characters, they were the characters.


Ghetto Bananas contained a lot of inside jokes and just general craziness and I can see hints of my current writing style in it, but it's mostly barebones descriptions of things that happen in the "films". Right now the whole batch can be found on my deviant art page, but again they need to be read sequentially to make any sense. Some of the ones in the middle don't even say the main character's names anymore! I updated it with the ones I've typed up from their paper versions, but there are still three I have yet to post. I wrote them around middle school and early high school, so they are mostly just silliness.


One name you might recognize if you bother to take a look is Phileas Cardwright. In Zoofights, he is Harry's dead boyfriend, but elsewhere, he is just a recurring character who I try to worm into anything I write. He is usually British, but other than that he is rather flexible.


I don't know when I decided I was actually talented at writing, but in high school I told all the girls that were into me it was. I never wrote them love poems or anything because I never got inspired enough to do so (no offense chicas), but I did write some on the general concept of love and life. I dominated the literary magazine with my poems on my last year of high school. I was also on the literary magazine committee. I didn't get to have a say on if my stuff got in, and I know one girl didn't like me because I guess I was her rival and she thought her poetry was superior to everyones, but I still got 4 or so things in, the most of anyone! (brag brag brag, moving on)


I also got to write these blurbs throughout the book. The idea behind that year's magazine was that a parent (can't remember if we decided on mother or father) and their son were in a post-apocalyptic wasteland and the parent was worried that the culture of creativity died out with most of mankind. As they searched about for provisions in various places, they recovered art and stories as well as supplies so they could make sure their child didn't miss out on mankind's creativity. That idea was all me baby, and I wrote the blurbs because of it.


Anyway, one of the stories in that magazine also went on to win a Sci-Fi writing contest! Well, third place, but I still got a certificate so I was happy. The literary magazine also won a design contest it entered, and since I did a lot of it I take that as another victory!


Most of the poetry and short stories from that time can be found on my facebook, but the writing is mostly not worth sharing. A few I do still like. I wrote a really cool story about hell I might post eventually, and a few love poems that I don't think are THAT cliche.

I hope you enjoyed this prolonged look into my writing history, and if you are still awake after braving all of this, here is one of the last poems I have written. I haven't done poetry since high school.  Not one of my silly ones, but I can write other stuff to you know! If you want to see any others, I can post them too, but since this has pretty much always been a Zoofights-centric blog, I doubt it.


Little Marionette:


Little Marionette
Guided by the strings
Each moment, each action
Meant only to please
His hands guide her motions
And she dutifully obeys
His every command is followed
In hopes that he may be pleased

Little Marionette
Lost in all her dreams
Seeking favor, seeking passion
Her master’s love she seeks
Devoted to his guidance
She puts on a display
But in her master’s eyes
She’s just another puppet

Little Marionette
Tangled in her strings
Forever trapped, forever broken
Her dancing she must cease
No longer having use
He tosses her aside
Amidst all the marionettes
Who met disfavor in his eyes

Little Marionette
Foolish in her love
Keeping hope, keeping faith
That her master will return
But a fresh new marionette
Now dances to his whims
As the old one lies deluded
That she may one day dance again