The Kobber Museum

Benjamin Clawhauser sucked in his gut for the fourth time in a row, still not managing to keep it from being easily outlined by his police uniform. He had done his best to look respectable today, brushing his fur for three extra hours and making sure to wash out the last of the pink dye in it from the concert three nights ago. He still mostly just looked like a chubby cheetah squeezed into a blue uniform, but he kept his chin up and his eyes as sharp as his claws as he stood at the top of the steps of the new Kobber Museum on Kuwahawi.

Today was a day to make a good impression, as the Kobber Museum opening was a perfect first public action of the ZFPD division of the Kuwahawi police force. It was not anything spectacular, they were basically glorified bodyguards for the grand opening, with Clawhauser standing near the museum's creator as he spoke and the other officers casing the admittedly small crowd to make sure nothing suspicious was going on. Naturally, Theodore, Inch, and Clawhauser had spent that morning theorizing exactly how villains could drop in from the sky to interrupt the event, a potentially easy first strike on the idea of Kobbers coming to the island.

If any villain had planned such a thing, they might have just turned back at the underwhelming crowd. Opened well in advance of the Kobber arrival, perhaps to set down its roots before the potential Kobber Craze began, the crowd outside the museum hardly needed herding, although a cheerleader or two could have helped. A more tepid group had not ever been before assembled, made up mostly of Kuwahawi natives curious to find out about the strange people coming this year, tourists who were probably bummed they missed the concurrent Largest Pie in the Pacific event at a bakery downtown in favor of this, and sad few faces in line with what Ben had been told to expect from the Kobbers, and even then half of those faces Clawhauser was afraid to ascribe the word "Kobber" to since he still wasn't 100% on what constituted a normal-looking human. It took a while for Inch to explain that most humans don't come in his size, after all.

He should have known that they weren't all available in "precious" size.

Speaking of Inch, the tiny detective was working the crowd, as much as an inch high private eye could at least. Theodore Rex was also present, playing the role of the most obvious plant ever and dominating a space with his large tail and constant movement to keep an eye on everyone. Inch was keeping low, watching the feet of those present in case they inexplicably drew a gun and fired it with their big toe. Benjamin had been given the most important role as the de facto face of the group.

He had never wanted to pick his nose more than he did now. Or sit down. And his constant attempts at subtly shifting his weight to pick a wedgie were getting dangerously close to looking like the shuffle of a toddler who's afraid to ask to go to the restroom. It wasn't a particularly boring event either, and although Clawhauser was meant to be watching the crowd, the man on the podium commanded even his attention.

The piscine man had requested the new division of the police force specifically, and considering one of them was a cheetah and the other a dinosaur, it gave the event both an animalian bent and helped accentuate the weirdness that surrounded the Kobbers... at least that's what he had told Clawhauser. Ben wouldn't have spent that morning trying to look so professional if he hadn't been called "weird" by a fish in a business suit, but Clawhauser had to admit he had expected the fishman to be a bit weirder than he was. As he spoke at the podium, he had no burbling accent or strange fishy voice; he talked like a regular human. He did have to hit the water bottle more than most speakers though, although it tickled Clawhauser when he learned this entrepreneur had made his mark bottling water.

Clawhauser was just waiting to pounce with some sort of "fish out of water" joke whenever the water bottle stock on the podium ran out. Sadly, it seemed this businessman knew exactly how many he needed, and while he was no sloppy orator, the audience seemed more interested in his use of the bottles. Although he drank from some, others he splashed over his head, and people weren't sure if he was feeding his gills or if it might be too hot out on the island for a fish on land. What he was saying wasn't particularly surprising: dedications to the Kobber history, a thank you to the Kobbers for agreeing to come protect the island's people... it was just somewhat hard to focus on when you think that, despite his professional demeanor, he might at any moment pull a page from Flashdance and yank a cord to dump water down on himself.

...With thoughts like that, Clawhauser was wondering if he might be getting heat stroke.

As things began to wrap up, Clawhauser caught a blur of motion out of the side of his eye. Which was strange, as the crowd was in front of him and the fish on his opposite side. Ben's head whipped a little too quickly to find the source, catching the eye of the speaker.

Mr. Fish... which was both what Benjamin had called him mentally when they had meant and what appeared to be his ACTUAL name, acknowledged the cheetah with a glance, but knew better than to speak to him. A jerk of the head was all the fish would give in the way of dismissal, and it took Clawhauser a couple extra seconds to interpret the gesture and scamper away from Mr. Fish's side. Benjamin's flouncy walk away was already enough to make the crowd worry, but when Theodore tried to follow to assist, the path he carved through the crowd was even more suspicious.

"Don't worry, don't worry!" Mr. Fish was now forced to concede that the police were, in fact, in motion, due to the shear size of the officers moving, "I believe an overly excited fan has just jumped the gun a bit on seeing our exhibits. But can you blame him?" he went on, spinning it into propaganda rather than a concern, as any good businessman should be able to do.

Inch heard what could generously be called a commotion in this crowd of people doing their best mannequin impressions, and tried to weave through the forest of legs to join the other officers. Clawhauser had a head start on the other two, but Theodore hadn't even seen the blur, let alone its destination, and was sent off wandering in the museum interior, with Inch arriving minutes after, panting and wheezing and not likely to contribute much.

Benjamin was also panting and wheezing, but with his arms up at his sides and doing his best to regulate his breathing, he tried to find the presumed Kobber Superfan. The fur helped hide the growing red in his face, but he was happy that no one was in the museum yet to watch him struggle to reach a decent sprint. He'd heard all the cheetah jokes before, and while he made them just as much at his own expense, he hated when it held him back from doing his job. There was a time where he was lithe and capable of catching someone in two seconds flat... but they don't allow 2 year olds to join the police force, and he hadn't even learned all the letters in the alphabet by then. The road of a recovering carnivore was paved in paunches, and he'd take the struggle of running with a bouncing gut over biting into something that sprayed out blood instead of jelly filling any day.

The Kobber museum was almost more of an art gallery, and the hardest part of finding the person who snuck in was not looking at the exhibits. It was more akin to a wax museum, in that it had recreations of famous individuals, but they weren't made of wax and it did have actual trinkets from Kobbers on display as well. Ben tried to resist looking at the tvs playing famous fites, a diorama of the battle with Slenderman, and countless displays of eccentric and unusual Kobbers, but despite his resolve to catch the intruder, Benjamin came to a halt and dropped his jaw in awe when he saw one of the statues on display.

"O. M. GOODNESS! IT LOOKS JUST LIKE PRALINE!" Clawhauser forgot everything as he approached the false stage, apparently an exhibit inspired by her performance that was interrupted by Naoko, although this presentation seemed to focus more on the show rather than the battle that happened. Which was preferable for Benjamin, as he giggled and moved the small barrier blocking access to the exhibit to walk onto the stage himself. It groaned under his weight, and Ben worries for a second it was cheap plywood under his feet not meant for someone even one quarter his weight, but it holds and he begins to enact his plan. Turning on the display lights, which to his glee were quite flashy, Ben pushes the other statues away from Praline and wraps his arm around her shoulder as he holds his cell phone up for a selfie. Praline's pose was not exactly believable for posing with the fans, her arm up and the other holding a microphone to her face to imitate her stage presence, but Clawhauser still took the picture and was thrilled to see himself in the same image as the pop idol.

"Eeeeee! Theodore is gonna FLIP when I show him this! I feel like flipping just looking at it!" Ben begins to add filters to the image when he hears the sound of a shutter, and for a second he worried he had taken another photo accidentally. Standing still for a few seconds, the sound came again, and Clawhauser quickly remembered why he was there, pocketing his phone quickly and scampering off stage... before heading back to fix the exhibit and turning off the lights. Clawhauser prepared to run down the hall to the source of the sound, but soon, he saw the intruder was coming around the corner he was running towards. Benjamin let out a squeak more befitting a mouse cop or chick cop, and in the spur of the moment, Clawhauser scrambles back to the stage and strikes a pose next to Praline, standing absolutely still as he waits and watches the unusual character walk forward... for a few seconds before he second guessed his pose and chose a more chipper one. And then one that was a bit more flirty. Ben was growing frustrated as he couldn't pick the most Praline-appropriate pose despite seeing her concerts on tape at least five times each, but he finally froze in a somewhat strange one as the man approached...

Benjamin could only assume he was a man. The darkness of the technically-not-open-yet museum obscured him, and his movements seemed naturally blurry despite being no faster than a regular person's. Most of his body was hidden in his clothes, a patterned affair Clawhauser couldn't make out in the dark even if he hadn't decided to wink in his chosen pose. The cheetah was again forced to wonder if it was a man or not, and he would spend a few minutes on google once he got home wondering if they were meant to look that way. The intruder looked around suspiciously, but the Praline exhibit did not catch his eye in the slightest, or at least that's what Ben felt, as the large sunglasses on his face helped mask his features even more. Benjamin was somewhat offended no one got to see him strike his pose, which he decided would be called "The Tiger" since he had his claw hooked in the air and a playful snarl on his face. The intruder instead focused his attention on a large exhibit of the old Kobber Ogopogo, statues of his normal, pirate, and ghostly forms all swimming through a blue-colored floor to simulate the water. He lifted up a large camera, tinkering with its lenses and settings as Clawhauser finally saw his chance to move in. Benjamin abandons his pose (trying his best to remember it for the mirror later) and cautiously takes a step... only to be reminded that the stage creaked under his weight. The nose startled the intruder, but when he looked around, he seemed content that no one was actually there. Clawhauser realized he had to be more careful, lowering himself to the ground and trying to crawl along it... which, while quieter, was much more painful. Slinking was more a pink panther's job, not a cheetah in blue's.

Still, Benjamin was able to clear the stage in an excruciatingly long amount of time, but that apparently was how long it took to adjust the camera to take a picture of the Ogopogo statues. The flash lit the hall once, twice, thrice, each click of the shudder louder than Benjamin had expected. The camera must've been old, but Benjamin was now beginning to feel sorry for this strange man. He watched him a little longer, and despite Ogopogo's exhibit having a few knickknacks that once belonged to the sea serpent, he seemed content to just take photos of the place. Maybe he was just an overeager fan-

"STOP RIGHT THERE!" Came the surprisingly loud voice of Inch High Private Eye, the quiet museum giving him an echo that made him sound at least like Foot-And-A-Half Private Eye. The intruder leaped in surprise, and Benjamin did too, revealing himself from the shadow of the floor and causing the photographer to be even more surprised. Benjamin approached, claws held out not to apprehend, but to show he wasn't armed.

"Hey buddy! Don't worry! We aren't going to hurt you!"

"STAY THERE OR I'LL HURT YOU!" Inch yelled across the hall, too far to hear Ben and too emboldened by hearing his voice sound so big for once. Inch begins to shuffle forward, having to run his equivalent of a football field to reach the photographer, but now the intruder was trembling, holding his camera up to hide his face. Clawhauser noticed the man's hairy hands and wondered for a second if this was another humanoid animal... before his vision grew just as spotty as his pelt. The camera's flashbulb lit the room as the intruder uses its flash defensively, briefly blinding Benjamin and earning a chance to escape down the hall. Inch was still much too far to even have a chance of catching him, and the whole problem of keeping him still afterwards was sneaking into the tiny detective's mind as he watched the intruder retreat into the shadows.

Benjamin rubbed his eyes, but the spots were fading in their own time, and Inch was able to reach him before he could see clearly. "Quick, after him!" Inch yells, grabbing the Cheetah's tail to attempt to scale him.

Benjamin begins to amble forward, trying to be careful and finding his paws pressing into signs and toppling them. If the intruder had lingered for some reason, he certainly could hear his pursuers coming easily enough. When they did run into someone though, it wasn't the strange photographer, but Theodore Rex, the dinosaur detective slumped in defeat beside an exit door that was slowly closing in front of him.

"Theodore! Did you see him!" Inch calls out.

"Saw? Kiiiiiind of.... It's really dark and he was really blurry!"

Clawhauser's vision was finally back, just in time to see the red light of the Exit sign and the sunlight peeking through the door before it finally shut. "He went outside? Why didn't you go after him?"

"I did! Or, well, I poked my nose out, and didn't see him anywhere! It's like he just disappeared!"

"Oh! That's a good one! He disappeared!" Inch said, pounding a fist into his palm as if he just figured out a difficult mystery. "I was wondering to tell Mr. Fish when IF... if we didn't catch the guy. He'll probably be thrilled if it sounded like someone with disappearing powers did it! That's pretty 'Kobber', right?"

"I would have rather caught the guy..." Theodore says, drooping even more now before Benjamin's arm wrapped around his shoulder.

"It looks like he didn't cause any trouble. The valuables are untouched, so this place is as perfect as a peach! Poor guy just wanted photos!"

"Maybe he was a reporter trying to get the first scoop on the place," Inch said, rubbing his chin, "If we watch the papers closely tomorrow we might catch him!"

Theodore was emboldened by the idea of the case not going cold, "Or maybe he's a scrapbook fanatic! We gotta round up everyone in town and see if they've got photos of this place in their books!"

"I think first we need to tell Mr. Fish what happened, this place is opening any minute now!" Ben offered.

Inch and Theodore both suddenly seemed to be worried.

"I should go pick up that Blood Bowl exhibit my tail knocked over then..." Theodore says as he shuffles off.

"And I believe I might have spent too much time giving the ol' one-two to the faces of bad guys in the Hall of Villains..." Inch said, hoping he could remove the scuff marks from the faces of old foes.

Clawhauser didn't have to admit to his own mess... Theodore and Inch could see the trail left behind him during his period of blindness. "Maybe we could just blame that all on the intruder?" Ben offered hopefully, but he already knew what their responses would be, and if they did, he'd probably come back in three days crying and wringing his tail as he fessed up to the damages personally, perhaps even overblowing them.

The first real outing of the ZFPD was looking like it might be a bust, with the museum perhaps in a worse state for their presence, but as Clawhauser went back to right the toppled signs, he pulled out his phone and looked down at the photo of him and the Praline statue. He grinned to himself, put on one of Praline's songs on his phone, and danced as he worked...

Mr. Fish stood watching the cheetah for a few seconds, clearing his throat louder and louder each time to try and break through the music, but it appeared a lost cause. Figuring out what must have happened with the intruder on his own, Mr. Fish makes sure the officers finish their clean-up and then officially opens the doors of the Kobber Museum... not noticing the blur of motion to his right. A man stepped down from one of the exhibits, camera in hand, and began snapping pictures as he made sure to stay ahead of the incoming patrons and away from the lingering police officers.